I love Valentine’s Day. I forever will. I’m that girl. I’m all about the cheese and all about the chocolate. If you want to read about all the reasons why, you can do that here.
I love, love stories. I thoroughly enjoy seeing and hearing about people cherishing other people. I think that the ability to love and be loved is the most wonderful gift we have been given and nothing makes me happier than knowing people who have found and created that for themselves. This year, I thought I’d write more-so about what happens the other 364 other days there isn’t a national holiday where you’re obliged to proclaim the love you have for someone.
Sure Valentine’s day is wonderful, and usually, romantic. (And always been one of my favorite days to celebrate.) But my real question is: what about all of the other days? I know now what the other days are like, because I live them. But, I surely could have benefitted from this knowledge several years ago.
If you haven’t read before, I have a wonderfully, sweet boyfriend of just under 3 years. We are on our second year of dating LD, which brings many adventures of its own. Life with him rocks and he is truly my very best friend. But, our relationship surely isn’t a Nicholas Spark’s movie. It isn’t meant for movies, or novels, or any of that really. It’s a lot less drama…thankfully.
Something to know about me: I am a huge rom-com junky. (Really anything love related junky). I am a cry baby and find it weirdly satisfying to cry with anything regarding love. It’s not from a place of sadness, but a true happiness and connection I feel to these fictional characters. (Yes, that is slightly dramatic, but it’s absolutely me). Usually 27 dresses, Father of the Bride, or Love Actually will do the trick. I think that one of the shortcomings to loving all of that stuff so much is that sometimes it makes it harder to understand what is real from what is purely made for entertainment. I always knew that “real-life-love” wasn’t exactly like you see in movies or read about in books, but I mean how different could it possibly be? Mix my dreamer personality with an obsession with all things love and you have quite a disaster in the making. This is something that I truly have struggled with in the past, being disappointed when love wasn’t like what I had seen or imagined, but sometimes hard work. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been totally sold on the “I am Cinderella” deal which has actually been a little unhealthy if I’m being perfectly honest. I totally bought into this idea that once I met my guy we would immediately fall in love, get married, move into a castle, etc. I can tell you right now, that is the farthest thing from what Cole and I have gone through thus far.
The point of my post today isn’t just simply about love, but about the toxicity of wishing away the present. To the girl waiting to get engaged, the person sick of being alone, the couple waiting to get pregnant, and the person just longing for something ahead, know that each season is special and divinely created. They are all wonderful in their own way, but the most toxic thing anyone can do is set up unrealistic expectations of a season upon entering it.
Sometimes I think we have the ability to ruin a future season by glorifying it and making it out to be something that in reality it is not.
In the context of love, it’s something that we all crave. We were made to. And love is a wonderful thing. However, when our depictions of what love looks like differ from what it’s intended purpose is, we find ourselves consistently feeling emptiness and sorrow.
Love isn’t made for entertainment purposes, movies and books are.
One of the biggest differences about “real-life” relationships is the abundance of choices available to be made. Our culture promotes this idea that love is this thing that happens to you like a disease and takes away your ability to make decisions. I think that this is absolutely false. I firmly believe that love is a verb and love is a choice.
In my relationship, love looks a lot like…
- choosing to play a game of monopoly (even though I passionately dislike board games) because I know that it makes Cole happy.
- It looks a lot like him listening to me ramble on about some thing that happened during my day and giving me his full, undivided, attention.
- It also looks a lot like reading sports articles about football players so that I can have conversations with my boy about something he is so passionate about.
- It’s also choosing kind words and to give extra hugs, even though a certain lady is cranky because she clearly didn’t get enough sleep
- Choosing to bring my best. Meaning that I want my actions and words to bring us closer to Jesus, rather than apart.
It looks a lot like being gracious, being selfless, being intentional, being honest, and being kind. It looks a lot like Jesus.
Effective love is also learning the ways in which your person best receives love (their love language) and finding way to love them in that very way. Hello, words of affirmation! If you’re wondering what your love language is, you can find out here
Real life relationships are all about effectively communicating with one another. Working out the little problems so they don’t become bigger ones, and challenging one another to constantly bring their best. It’s about acknowledging that love can be messy and any relationship requires daily work.
Real-life-love is all about the little things. Of course bouquets of flowers or jewelry are nice, but what means more is the idea of making a promise to be there and support that person, your person. To be a friend at all times and build them up in truth. To listen and be intentional with all that you do. To remind them that you had a choice and you picked them because you see greatness in them and you feel that they make you a little greater, too. It’s a lot of humbling and learning to say, “I’m sorry” and “me too.”
It’s really a special job. I’ve found that I like my love a whole lot better than the movies because it’s real. I used to envy Cinderella because of how perfectly things turned out for her, but I understand now that, that would be incredibly boring and wouldn’t allow for any growth.
One of my favorite artists says it best when he sings, “life is not the mountaintops, it’s the walking in-between. And I like you walking next to me.”
To the person waiting for their fairy tale: They do happen, but not like you might imagine. Deciphering between reality and fantasy is so important if you are seeking a relationship that is successful. Perfection isn’t feasible because we are only human and full of fault. The only perfect love you receive is from sweet Jesus. Holding anyone else to that standard is setting up for major disappointment.
To the person in a “real-life love:” cherish each moment. Love is a gift and is something incredibly special. Remind your person of the love that you have for them in ordinary ways, perhaps that is the most extraordinary way to say, “I love you” of all! Choose to bring them your best. Remember that simply just being in love is never enough. Love is a many-times-a-day kind of deal and thank the good Lord above for it!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you, sweet friend! May you know what love truly is, even after Valentine’s Day and remember that you are loved and adored every day.
xo,
Savannah
Glow Girl's Light 